You may be wondering to yourself: what’s happening to my body? Why do I feel all these strange things? How come I get uncomfortable whenever I see Scott Baio on TV?

Well don’t worry. These are all normal questions a growing young man like yourself may have. Here at TSH, we want to help you answer those questions.

I don’t know. I don’t know. Because you’re a closet homosexual.

There. Now that those questions are answered, you may be wondering: what is this wonderful site? What made you come up with the brilliant and completely original idea of having attractive women talk about sports?

Well, the answer is simple. We like money. You like girls and sports. If we show you girls and sports and enough of you visit the site, we get money (don’t ask us how; its a mixture of capitalism and witchcraft). Everyone’s happy. Don’t get us wrong, we love girls and sports too (Liberty outdoor classic for the win!), just not as much as you do.

But TSH does love you, almost as much as the puppy we had when we were a child (it died after we fed it some chocolate when we were 7. Childhood scientific experimentation for the loss.) Since April, we have given you the gift of YouTube videos, with more to come in the fall.

We know what you’re thinking. Isn’t this just a chauvinistic ploy to attract dim-witted guys who don’t know they’re being pandered to? Of course, except for the dim-witted part (you guys are brilliant, really. We’re totally not patronizing you either, we mean it. That time you made that joke about wanting to do Miley Cyrus even though she’s only fifteen and you’re like, twice her age? That was hilarious). Objectifying women has been a long-standing tradition in sports, almost as storied as getting drunk and yelling f bombs in front of four year olds in the stands.

After all, what would happen to sports if we couldn’t stare at half naked cheerleaders, shaking their asses at half court while players pretend to listen to their coach? Where would we be without sideline reporters whose only purpose is to look good while holding a microphone? And where would we be without female athletes willing to throw away all of their legitimacy so they can take their clothes off and make men consider them relevant for five minutes?

Now you may be wondering: but doesn’t everyone do this? And you’d be right. The Big Lead, With Leather, Sports by Brooks — all the big time blogs, and even the ones nobody knows exists (cough, cough) — have hot girls blessing their highly viewed pages. And we have no problem with that. Every year, Sports Illustrated sees fit to accept diversity and put a woman on its cover. This year, that woman was holding her naked boobs, and the cover was for the swimsuit issue. We have no problem with that either. It is what it is: good business.

So how is The Sports Hottie.com any different from the SI swimsuit issue or any other completely transparent attempt to gain guys’ attention?

Well, we took the bold step of actually having hot girls talk about sports. Ever read any SI columns by Marisa Miller? Of course not, though she would’ve been an improvement over Rick Reilly (who works for ESPN now, we know, but we just wanted to rag on him because he just completely and utterly sucks).

Aren’t you, the 18-34 male sports fan, sick and tired of watching people who look like you report on sports? Aren’t you sick of the only sports reporters with big boobs being Bob Ley and Charles Barkley? Granted, there’s Erin Andrews, but she’s just a lowly sideline reporter.

If you are, then TSH is the place for you. We’ll take the hard-hitting, in depth reporting of Outside the Lines (well, actually, we really won’t. But it sounds nice, doesn’t it?) and combine it with the mindless objectification of women you see pretty much everywhere else. The Sports Hottie isn’t the reincarnation of the SI Swimsuit issue. It’s the SI swimsuit issue on steroids — you know, like Debbie Clemens.